Angry, Bitter, Maladapted, Shrieking Sociopath

Sarcasm Level: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (And if you want to know what the hell this is referring to, scroll down to Candle Inspiration.)

You stumble out of bed, angry with the world. Your hair is a mess, and your eyes won't stop blurring things. You have a rage welling up inside of you, but your throat is cracked and dry. You want to scream, but you physically can't...yet.

In torn stockings from the night before and a shirt smelling of unfamiliar cologne, you stumble to the bookcase that holds all your liquor.

Quick. Grab a glass. Pour the gin until little droplets splash onto the wood and this precious liquid threatens to overflow. Dry gin bathes your senses and brings you to life.

Now you're ready, ready to shriek your way through the day. It feels good. Take another swallow. You're going to shriek a lot today.

If only you'd had kids. Maybe it would have been different. But you didn't, and your therapist says that's okay.

SCENTS

Contrary to what the label might make you think, "Angry, Bitter, Maladapted, Shrieking Sociopath" is crisp, sophisticated, and a pure pleasure to be around. Just like you! The smell of gin is unmistakable, and the woody blend that forms the base of this candle brings a complexity that will stimulate your imagination and put you right in a wood-paneled speakeasy from the 1920s.

The smell of juniper has a calming, grounding effect, and the cypress in the base notes of this candle inspires confidence and helps you move beyond moments of stagnation. While having kids is clearly the best way to get over your shrieking sociopathy, this candle might be the next best thing!

•  Top Notes: Juniper

•  Middle Notes: Dry Gin

•  Base Notes: Cypress, Balsam, Oak, Cedar

CANDLE INSPIRATION

The "Angry, Bitter, Maladapted, Shrieking Sociopath" candle is for anyone who believes that women are, ya know, more than walking wombs.

The exact wording for this candle label comes from the nurturing Twitter page of Candace Owens:

But this attitude is nothing new, and nothing unique to Candace Owens. Just Google "biblical womanhood".

Here are just a few gems from Mormon leadership over the years:

•  "My wife has borne to me fifteen children. Anything short of this would have been less than her duty and privilege." - George F. Richards (Relief Society Magazine, July 1916)

•  "We cannot eliminate, through any pattern of legislation or regulation, the differences between men and women. A man, for instance, needs to feel protective, and yes, dominant, if you will, in leading his family. A woman needs to feel protected, in the bearing of children and in the nurturing of them. Have you ever thought what life would be like if the needs of men and women were naturally precisely the same?" - Boyd K. Packer ("The Equal Rights Amendment" address, January 1977)

•  "[E]very covenant daughter of God has the responsibility to understand, live, and defend the divine roles of women, which include that of wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend, and to establish, nurture, defend, and strengthen families and homes." -Carole M. Stephens (article titled "Women's Divine Roles Include Nurturing Others", May 2014)

•  "The husband, the holder of the household, is established this day in this marriage covenant as the head of the family and the breadwinner. It may be hard for you to recognize this role, young lady, but your happiness is conditioned upon it." - Boyd K. Packer (in his book titled That All May Be Edified, published in 1982 and currently distributed by Deseret Book as of 2021)

•  "Young women, you will be the ones who will provide the example of virtuous womanhood and motherhood... You will understand your roles and your responsibilities and thus will see no need to lobby for rights." - Elaine S. Dalton (BYU devotional, 2013)

•  "We as women tend to be sometimes shrill or demanding or stubborn... When we ask that question that the apostles asked of the Savior, 'Is it I?' That's a really good place to start." - Jean S. Bingham (BYU Women's Conference, 2019)

•  "Certainly no sane woman would hesitate to give submission to her own really righteous husband in everything. We are sometimes shocked to see the wife take over the leadership, naming the one to pray, the place to be, the thing to do." - Spencer W. Kimball (General Conference, April 1965)

•  "Young wives should be occupied in bearing and rearing their children. I know of no scriptures where an authorization is given to young wives to withhold their families and to go to work to put their husbands through school." - Spencer W. Kimball (BYU devotional, September 1973)

•  "Now, sisters, while your input is significant and welcome in effective councils, you need to be careful not to assume a role that is not yours." - M. Russell Ballard (Ensign magazine, September 2014)

If you made it through reading all of these, I'm sure you probably are starting to feel like an angry, bitter, maladapted, shrieking sociopath! Whoops! ?

QUALITY + SUSTAINABILITY

All ExMo Candles are hand-poured in small batches, and each of our recipes is tweaked and tested before coming online. We take pride in the quality of our candles.

Our candles are also vegan-friendly, made and packaged sustainably, and pthalate-free. Our commitment to sustainability includes a partnership with One Tree Planted, where we donate the money to plant 100 trees for every 100 candles sold.

Finally, the removable labels on our jars make them easy to upcycle. Woohoo!

DISCREET PACKAGING

We know that you might be living with members of the church, or heck, that your mailman might be Mormon. For that reason, we've chosen not to brand our outer packaging in any way. No one will be able to tell from the outside of the box that you've ordered anything related to being an ex-Mormon. This includes the shipping label, which will simply say it's from Jen + Adri.

PRODUCT + FULFILLMENT DETAILS

The "Angry, Bitter, Maladapted, Shrieking Sociopath" candle is guaranteed to give you 40+ hours of burn time. It comes in a glass jar with an aluminum lid, and it measures 3.5" tall and 2.75" across. The net weight is 7.1 oz.

Because all ExMo Candles are handmade to order, please allow a 7-day processing time before your order ships out.