Save the Monarchs, Not the Patriarchy

Mormon prophets ask women what could possibly be more fulfilling than changing diapers—yes, really, see the quote below—and I shrug my shoulders and respond, "I dunno? Helping monarch butterflies?"

Smelling of a damp forest floor after the rain, "Save the Monarchs, Not the Patriarchy" brings nature into your home. It invites you to shed your shoes, press your feet into moist earth, and wander towards the rising moon, allowing ferns to brush against your legs.

And we hope that this candle will help you celebrate, whatever your gender, the feeling of freedom as you shed the expectations of the patriarchy and tread your own path. As you do, we hope you feel as free as a monarch flitting on the wind.

10% of this candle's proceeds go towards planting trees in butterfly habitats in Mexico. To anyone who buys this candle, thank you.

SCENTS

"Save the Monarchs, Not the Patriarchy" smells like a damp forest floor. It smells like stone and oakmoss. It smells like the hope and sense of mystery we feel in nature.

It is earthy, and musty, and natural smelling. It is wonderful.

•  Top Notes: rain, green leaves

•  Middle Notes: damp earth

•  Base Notes: oakmoss, galbanum, wild forest flowers, sandalwood

CANDLE INSPIRATION

When I was a little girl, my mother used to read me a book about the miraculous migration of the monarch butterflies. I used to see monarchs all the time in the early autumn here in Virginia, and I felt privy to a magical world moving parallel to my own mundane one.

Around the same age as I was learning to love monarch butterflies, my family converted to Mormonism. And little me who dreamed of becoming a writer, and a geologist, and an archaeologist, and an explorer suddenly had to learn to change my fantasies.

I began learning at church that my future would be defined by motherhood, and that those other things I wanted for my life weren't important. There was nothing wrong with having them as hobbies or interests, but I needed to focus on homemaking and on learning how to be a pleasing wife and a righteous mother. Even when I went to college, some adults at church reminded me that the main point of a woman going to college was to find herself a husband. Yay.

My convert mother—the one who read to me about the monarchs—was a career woman, and I don't think she realized I was being taught these things at church. But I was.

Little by little, I learned to accept the new patriarchal vision of my future. Not that I always loved it. Mormon leaders said things I really didn't love sometimes. Like this gem:

"One apparent impact of the women's movement has been the feelings of discontent it has created among young women who have chosen the role of wife and mother. They are often made to feel that there are more exciting and self-fulfilling roles for women than housework, diaper changing, and children calling for mother. This view loses sight of the eternal perspective that God elected women to the noble role of mother and that exaltation is eternal fatherhood and eternal motherhood."

 

Ezra Taft Benson, "To the Elect Women of the Kingdom of God", Nauvoo Illinois Relief Society Dedication, 6/30/1978 (This quote is in the current church manual on eternal marriage...now, in 2023.)

Imagine thinking that uncovering an ancient amphora in Greece as an archaeologist, or collecting rock samples on the side of a volcano as a geologist, could be more exciting than diaper changing! Imagine getting more fulfillment out of writing a novel than doing housework! Foolish women of the world! These feminists have got it all wrong!

I have always wanted to be a mother, but at church I was learning that I was only going to have value in this world as a mother. And it broke my heart as a faithful girl.

As it happened, I was coming into that vision of my future as a homemaker—and learning to discard my other dreams—at the same time that monarch populations were declining. That is, of course, an accident of having been born in the '80s. But I couldn't help but form a connection in my mind between that free, expansive vision of myself that I'd had as a child—little geologist, novelist Jen, who was also going to be a kickass mom!—and the vibrant monarch flitting through Virginia each September. As my childhood vision of my future faded, the monarchs started appearing less frequently, as well.

Now that I'm deconstructing my Mormon upbringing, I'm learning to reassess my assumptions about who I need to be in this world. I would still love to have kids, but I'm learning not to tie my worth to that. And I'm learning to let myself feel fresh hope in the things I'd wanted for my life all along, but had been taught were not for me. I've started submitting my fiction to magazines to see if I can get published. I listen to podcasts about the Vikings and the Ancient Greeks instead of poring over conference talks. And I find myself appreciating, in fresh ways, my old childhood friend, the monarch butterfly.

Seeing them now isn't as common as it was when I was a girl. We've lost nearly a billion monarch butterflies since 1990. But each one I do see feels special. Each one I do see feels worth protecting...unlike the patriarchy in which ladyfolk covenant to obey their husbands as their husbands obey God, the patriarchy where women and girls are told that diaper changing is the most exciting thing they could possibly get up to, the patriarchy where women are praised as "sweet, sweet" wives but not allowed a single leadership position that isn't overseen by men.

So, let the patriarchy rot—I'll dance on its grave—but let's do what we can to help our precious monarch butterfly friends. And let's do what we can to nourish and strengthen the parts of ourselves that we stifled in our obedient, submissive younger years.

SAVING MONARCH BUTTERFLIES

10% of every "Save the Monarchs, Not the Patriarchy" candle will go towards planting trees in monarch butterfly habitats in Mexico. That's three new trees per candle, in addition to the one tree we plant for every ExMo candle sold.

According to The Nature Conservancy, monarch butterfly populations have declined by roughly 970 million since 1990. They face a number of challenges, including pesticides killing the milkweed on which they lay their eggs. Among these challenges is the fact that the monarchs' winter habitat in Mexico, a habitat comprised of just 14 forested mountaintops in Michoacán, is being threatened by development.

One Tree Planted is working with local communities in planting trees to help maintain these habitats. And when you buy this candle, you're a small part of that.

Long live the monarch! An important pollinator, and a wonder of nature.

QUALITY + SUSTAINABILITY

All ExMo Candles are hand-poured in small batches, and each of our recipes is tweaked and tested before coming online. We take pride in the quality of our candles.

Our candles are also vegan-friendly, made and packaged sustainably, and pthalate-free. Our commitment to sustainability includes a partnership with One Tree Planted, where we donate the money to plant 100 trees for every 100 candles sold.

Finally, the removable labels on our jars make them easy to upcycle. Woohoo!

DISCREET PACKAGING

We know that you might be living with members of the church, or heck, that your mailman might be Mormon. For that reason, we've chosen not to brand our outer packaging in any way. No one will be able to tell from the outside of the box that you've ordered anything related to being an ex-Mormon. This includes the shipping label, which will simply say it's from Jen + Adri.

PRODUCT + FULFILLMENT DETAILS

The "Save the Monarchs, Not the Patriarchy" candle is guaranteed to give you 40+ hours of burn time. It comes in a glass jar with an aluminum lid, and it measures 3.5" tall and 2.75" across. The net weight is 7.1 oz.

Because all ExMo Candles are handmade to order, please allow a 7-day processing time before your order ships out.